#1: Yosemite, California
Yosemite. Yosemite. Yosemite. To date, this is my favorite adventure. I learned so much about myself and pushed myself outside my comfort zone that even I surprised myself. It was far from a typical trip for me- I am a beach girl 110%, all the way, and this was like taking a fish out of water. I plopped myself dead in the certain of the woods and did the woodsy/hiking thing for about three days.
A little background on this adventure, since it wasn’t spent solely in Yosemite National Park. (Side note: I help a special needs family in addition to my full-time job, and the grandparents were kind enough to treat me to a flight anywhere I wanted, with the exception of Hawaii and Alaska.) I picked the furthest away from Virginia- hell, why not California? They sent me on a week-long trip as a “thank you” for watching their grandchildren for a week while the parents were on a cruise! Hey, can’t complain, no matter how little sleep I got that week. 🙂
So one week was split between San Fran, Yosemite, Napa Valley and back to San Fran. I don’t want to spend too much time on San Fran and Napa since Yosemite trumps them easily. But I will say that I did all the touristy things in San Fran: Alcatraz (AMAZING!), Red Wood Forest, Golden Gate Bridge, Full House row/house (it’s purple now!), Lombard Street, and of course, I rode the trolley multiple times. As far as Napa Valley goes, it is no place for someone who has put six years of sobriety under her belt. Everyone says how beautiful wine country is…and while it was pretty, that’s all it was. The wineries didn’t even have food! Luckily, I found a good food spot to end that day trip, but overall, Napa for me was a bust.
Now back to Yosemite.
Yosemite is full of breathtaking landscapes, beautiful waterfalls, treacherous hikes and plenty of wide open space for lots and lots of reflecting! Driving into the park was absolutely astonishing- I stopped multiple times at the pull offs just to take pictures of mountains that basically looked the same as the one before. But who cares! It was Yosemite.
So mind you, I mentioned that this adventure was far from my typical trip. I like water, sand and sea. This had none of the above and I was scared out of my mind. I went into this whole trip in a very uneasy time of my life. I was missing an ex, attempting to get over a rebound and really searching for something that was missing. Little did I know I was about to kind of find a missing piece…simply in myself. I had never camped (beach camping shouldn’t count), never spent the night in the woods, and sure as hell never did this kind of thing alone. Ironically, one of my biggest fears was not storing my food the right way and bears getting me in the middle of the night. Rrrrrr!
After anxiously checking in, I made my way to my tent. As I approach this thing, panic and fear really kicked into gear. I sent a picture to my boss and said “WTF am I doing here?” The tent looked exactly the same as the tent in the murder of three girl scouts in Oklahoma in the 1970’s. I was starting this adventure out real good! NOT!
Once I was able to start to settle in, I came to terms that I was very alone on this one. I had never really felt this vulnerable on a trip before. I admit that I slept with a chair propped up against the door and a pocket knife under my pillow. There was no turning back, though. I had to finish out this part of the trip and eventually make it back to the city. So, that is exactly what I did.
The next day, I got up as soon as the sunshine started to come through my tent. Not like I had a choice. That day was set for the Giant Sequoias, Tenaya Lake, the almost 10,000 feet point (at Tioga Pass) and a hike up Lembert Dome to watch the sunset. The views that I saw during this first full day could have made my entire adventure worthwhile. I found myself journaling at Tenaya Lake and really taking in the crystal clear water. Because I found water and sand, I was in my happy place. It was one of the most amazing places I have ever been- so far!
“Is this really where I’m supposed to be?” was the question at hand. Directly from my journal, here is my answer, “Is this really where I’m supposed to be? Not sure if that means alone in the woods of California or at a stage in my life where I can’t seem to grasp the lesson I’m continuously faced with? Or is it I’m on the verge of tears more often than not and can’t seem to get over the hump? If all of them are where I’m supposed to be…I’m here!” (9/3/15).
My writing goes on to question how am I supposed to move forward from past traumas and faults, when I don’t know where to start and what will it take to accept myself for me. Then the word “BELIEVE” pops into my mind…and lands on my page. Believe is a word I have surrounded myself with. Can’t be sure when it exactly started, but it became “my word”. I have ornaments, signs, picture frames…even thought about getting a tattoo of the word. Sitting at the lake, writing, I realized I don’t believe in anything- not even myself. I had surrounded myself with a word that I was not living by, but simply encasing myself in, attempting to make it real. In that moment, I realized I had a lot to be proud of and I had put in significant work to grow and better myself over the last five years. “I have defied odds on more ways than one…I need to take some time to bask in the good and glorious times. I have come a long way from what I used to be.” (9/3/15)
This journal entry was the beginning to a story that started 5+ years previously. It was what some people call an ‘a-ha’ moment. I would have never experienced that moment unless I pushed myself outside my comfort zone and placed myself right in the middle of Mother Nature and the wildlife that surrounded me. I was finally getting in touch with myself and finding meaning and purpose in life.
The adventure really only got better. I ventured up Vernal Falls and Nevada Falls and conquered them- even though there were plenty of moments when I wanted to quit and turn back. I never gave up and kept hiking up and up and up. The journal came out again during lunch at the top of Vernal Falls, at Emerald Lake. Yet another clear, open space for my mind to wander and reflect. I have some doodles in my journal and wrote “LIFETIME TO LEARN. LIFETIME TO LIVE. Live and Learn.” And I have been walking in those words ever since. It is a constant struggle, but I refuse to give up, no matter how hard I fall and fight to get back up.
The hike down off Nevada Falls was a mind-game for me. I had spent the last two or so days alone- disconnected from others and barely speaking to anyone while out hiking or even at the camp. My yearning desire for human interaction came at no expense. I started tagging along with groups that I came across, as I started to pick up my pace to a light jog. Most just stepped aside and let me go- completely unaware I just wanted to be close to people. I didn’t need to talk or interact; simply just wanted to hear other voices. I had spent plenty of time in my own mind and heard myself talk far too much already.
I finally came across a family of four playing music and I quickly sped up to follow. They also offered to let me pass, but I was honest this time. “Do you mind if I just follow you? Plus, I like the jams you are playing!” Well, little did I know that I met an angel in the mother and she met one in me. She was having her own internal struggle with keeping up with the men in her family and was on the verge of a breakdown. She simply wanted off the mountain. Needless to say, we hit it off and talked the rest of the way off the mountain. I couldn’t even tell you how long it took to get down, but she made it seem like a cake-walk. It was a highlight of my hike that day! (I still stay in touch with her and her family through social media, which is cool!)
After my long day, I celebrated with one hell of a dinner of half of a chicken, a bag of salt and vinegar kettle chips, carrots and a no-bake cookie- YUM! I called it my “Dinner of Champions”, and that is exactly what I was and how I felt. I did it! And I learned SO much about myself along the way. I jump started a journey that I am still on and living every day. Searching to find and believing in myself. I don’t want the “Believe” tattoo anymore, but “Adventure” would suit me better 😉
From my journal, “29 years and counting to learn about me” and that is what I will continue to do! (9/4/15).
