“Retreat” Follow-Up

As I mentioned in my last written post, I attended a “retreat” two weekends ago. Since I wasn’t sure what to expect, I wasn’t 100% sure how to define it or really describe it before. So, again without going into details about “why” I went, I will share my experience and what I walked away with.

On the first day, I had to drive about three hours away from home to a Virginia State Park. Before actually leaving on Friday, I googled the park. No joke – “all hiking trails are closed due to bear attack”. YES! BEARS! (Come to find out, the “attack” was far away from our lodge, but all trails were still closed regardless.) Needless to say, this could have been a blessing in disguise, because it offered a new itinerary for those who had previous visitors. This lead in the opportunity to share a once and a lifetime weekend with this group!

After the drive, I pulled into the lodge parking lot, still unsure what to expect. Well….beautiful surroundings, amazing weather, couldn’t get any better right? Actually it could and here’s why!

1. Met some new and amazing women that I will share this experience with for the rest of my life.
2. Future connection and friendships with some of those women.
3. Found intention and connection with nature and the wide open spaces (not that I haven’t done this before, but it was in a little bit of a different context.)
4. Weather still felt like summer and went swimming in a lake in late September- YES PLEASE!
5. Walked away changed, not a whole transformation, but with a different perspective on a few things.
6. Remained present (as much as possible) throughout the weekend. The things you pick up on- woah!

Well, when I first walked in, I immediately thought “Wow, I’m an odd ball out here”. Everyone was pretty…how should I say it?…Hippy-esque? Hippy-dippy? Tree-hugger type? And I don’t mean any offense to anyone by these terms, but this is coming from a city beach-loving, social butterfly who drives an SUV!! A little bit different than the rest of this crowd. Despite noticeable differences, I was welcomed with open arms and loving spirits. Pretty cool and life altering, if you ask me.

Once everyone got settled in, we did an opening ceremony, an ice-breaker and went over the intentions for the weekend. They called it “eco-therapy”! And the typical idea of therapy wasn’t involved. It was more about your connection, awareness and presence with Mother Nature/Mother Earth. It was nature providing us with guidance, direction and perspective. It was a time to literally disconnect and be present. (I put my phone on airplane mode and took my phone out ONCE for pictures. And that was it! It was off until I needed to get home.) If you rarely disconnect, I highly recommend trying it. It’s amazing!

Throughout the weekend, we chanted, meditated, drum-circle’d it up, hiked and did plenty of yoga and mindfulness breathing. Oh yeah, and journaled. Plenty to keep us all busy. There were opportunities to color, read, make jewelry and paint. (Which you should know the jewelry is used at their annual fundraiser…made by attendees of the retreat!) While there is plenty to mention, I want to mention three of my most memorable activities of the weekend.

1) The Walkabout (aka. Late night walk in the woods): It was exactly that – a walk in the woods, with flashlights, headlamps, with only sounds of the creatures beyond and the footsteps below. We had to leave the lodge after the park rangers left, of course, so we didn’t get in trouble! Once we got out there, we were to sit and listen to the things in the forest. It was a time of meditation and reflection. I chose a seat on a fallen tree, which positioned me right under an opening in the treetops. I had a perfect circle opening to see the billions and billions of stars that illuminated the sky. It was absolutely amazing!

Star gazing is one of my top favorite nature-related things to do. While this time was meant to be spent with our eyes closed, I just couldn’t help looking up at the sky. I took in all the sounds and felt the tree underneath me. And most of all, I inhaled all the fresh forest air! It was an overwhelming refreshing experience to be that connected with nature…and have no visual sight of things around you. Pretty magnificent!

2) Mojo Stones: At the beginning, we were given a little bag with a stone in it. We were advised not to remove the stone from the bag until the end of the weekend. The intention of this wasn’t revealed until the last day of the “retreat”. Right before we went out to do our nature activities on the last day, we gathered in the main room of the lodge. The leader walked around and instructed us to reach into the bag she was holding to pull out a stone. The stone you pulled out was to be the one meant for YOU and only you. When I pulled “my stone” out, I first noticed the scribbles on one side. I immediately thought “Grrrrreat, that’s wonderful! Scribbled out dreams”. But as I turned it over, the word STRONG was written on the flat of the stone.

By definition, strong means “having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks; able to withstand great force or pressure”. It was pretty mind-blowing THIS was the stone I picked. I had this flashback to a phone conversation I had with a recent past fling. He kept telling me how strong I was and how amazed he was by my strength with everything I’d been through. Odd that he was first to come to mind, but it made me stop and think for a second. In all reality, strong is the perfect stone for me. It encompasses my life and perfectly describes who I really am. Plus, all the scribbles just say that I am a “Beautiful Mess”!!

3) The Allurement Walk: This walk was different than the Walkabout. The intention of this one was “Go where your body takes you and listen to the intentions of Mother Nature”.  So, right off the bat, I walked down this little path that I hadn’t been on yet, which took me right down to the waters edge. The first insight that rang in my mind was “JUMP!” Jump into the future. There are some dark/hard to handle spots and some light areas that were reflecting the sunlight, which to me meant “easy”. The view of the lake represented the vast amount of opportunities in front of me, in my future. I could also see all the campers in the distance, which I connected to all the adventures to come! (Plus all the current adventures ?)

Because I didn’t want to forget anything, I rushed back to my bag and grabbed my journal. Again, my body took me back to another waters edge spot. This time was down by a sunken boardwalk, at the beach, where I still had a good view of the lake and forest line. I sat a few minutes before figuring out it was time to collect my sand. (A little background, I collect sand everywhere I go and put it in a Mason jar at home. So why wouldn’t I collect it from this man-made lake beach?) I shoveled sand into the mini zip-lock bag I grabbed from the lodge. Little did I know I scooped too much sand the first time, and then BAM, it hit me. The bag was me and I have the opportunity to take in as much as I want. Fill up with what I want and need and I don’t need to overfill myself. I can cut off, or zip up, whenever I want! (Crazy concept, right? No, not at all! Just something I need to practice more!)

After getting the right amount of sand into my bag, I went down to the water and washed my hands. This sand left a little dusty residue. Again, it hit me. “I have the chance to cleanse and start over. Wash and start fresh. Press reset and it’s okay!” In that moment, I realized that it’s okay to have a little dirt on your hands (aka. your past) and still be able to start over and not let the dirt stick around forever! It’s possible!!!

The last place my allurement walk led me to was the top of the lifeguard stand. I climbed up the steps and sat my butt down in that white, off limits, wood seat. (I’m a rule breaker, watch out!) The first thing that came to mind was “New vantage point, from high up. What a view!” This revelation meant that I need to give myself more credit and I am much higher than I see myself. I have come a long way on my journey and need to reward myself for my hard work and growth. As I take in the atmosphere around me, I have one of those moments you think “You’ve got to fucking kidding me?!” I look around and the things around me would shock those who know me.

• Playground: meaning “remember to play”, “kid at heart”, “playful” and “enjoy life”
• Volleyball net: meaning “passion”, “love” and “healthy competition”
• Beach and water: meaning “home”, “love”, “safe haven” and “comfort”
• Water: meaning “peace”, “calm”, “home” and “where I’m supposed to be”
• Sunshine: meaning “warm”, “bright” and “hopeful for the future”
• Humans/families: meaning “connection and interaction”, “future” and “family”

Not saying I haven’t had moments like this before, but this one will stick with me for quite some time. It was a moment that I needed. A moment in time that I will frequently remember to help bring balance to my life.

Ultimately, this “retreat” was exactly what was needed. I needed the disconnect from technology, work, and things connected to me at home. I needed to connect to the women present and Mother Nature that surrounds me everyday. I learned a few things about myself and will continue to grow from this experience. I hope to be involved with this “retreat” in the future. It was just another piece of my journey forward and UPward.

(Slight update: Upon my return home, I created a mini “keepsake” of things I collected from the “retreat”. A picture is listed below! If you are interested to know what is in the Mason Jar, leave me a comment and I will be sure to get in touch with you to explain!)